Do you have fear?
Do you feel you would or could do more if fear didn’t hold you hostage?
Do you hold back on doing things or taking risks?
Do you feel left behind because of fear?
In my work, I often engage in conversations where fear plays a major part in a person’s wellbeing and almost always, it hinders them from progressing or taking steps that could change their life.
You may have heard of the Acronym Fear is
FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL
I find this to be true especially having now taken the plunge and seen the other side of fear. Some people have a fear of failure and some have a fear of success. If you have fear, you are not alone. Fear is normal, but it’s what you do about it that matters.
Fear can lead to stress. It can make you freeze, fight or flight. You must notice the difference between dangerous fear where you know you are putting yourself in literal danger or where it impacts your health and good fear that stretches or challenges you
I do believe our bodies and brains can cope with stress and fear. I feel we are designed to overcome them through our thoughts and actions
I take my growth seriously, although, if I am honest there are some things I can change quickly and other areas where I feel like am going at a snail’s pace. As a result I have been doing some self-reflection and coaching myself to identify what truly holds me back in some areas.
Fear is one thing that holds me back in certain areas of my life and also has caused some stress or anxiety. However, I have so much evidence to know that I can overcome it. So I am going to share my personal conquests of fear with you.
I am not a great swimmer and never go out of my depth. I panic when water is on my face, I cannot stand the claustrophobic feeling of being under water which also makes me panic. Yet I have done two scuba dives, snorkelling many times and even water rafting.
To someone else they may seem like small things, but to me, they were big achievements.
I passed my driving test in 1995 drove around confidently and then got a job working in Ibiza. I never drove for several years and when I came back to the UK I found I had lost my confidence. After I was married, I said to my husband I want to drive again and so we went car hunting and I ended up with a little roadster. I ‘felt the fear and did it anyway’
The freedom and independence that returned to me because of driving is incredible. The adventure of trying something like scuba diving and white water rafting is thrilling and really added to my experience in life.
I ran my first seminar a few years ago feeling fearful of messing up or not having enough people. But I did it. It was liberating, fun and might I say a success. The feedback was 100% positive.
So how did I do it? It took courage, confidence and clarity
Fear v Experience– I knew if I didn’t have the fear, I would enjoy doing that very activity and have a richer experience. I had to step out with courage.
Support Partners-I had people around me to support me. My husband understood me; he was patient and encouraging while helping me get back on the road. Truth is, I was, and am, a pretty good driver. My friends who dove with me were my cheerleaders and gave me a hand to hold every step of the way. They celebrated when I had done the dive and were thrilled when I also did the white water rafting with them. I felt safe and felt loved in both situations.
Belief-I had faith that everything was going to be well. I believed that I could do it, but I also know that people around me also helped me believe.
Values and Importance-I knew that fear was holding me back from doing things and living out my life. This mattered to me. It mattered to me that I could go grocery shopping in my car. It mattered that I was mobile and it mattered to me that I experience scuba diving with my friends and be able to share that memory for years to come. I had clarity on why this was important to me.
Self-talk and Visualisation-I told myself that I could do it and pictured my experiences in a positive way each time in my imagination. Even if I felt fear, I overcame it with my words and through visualising.
I recently attended a webinar about ‘fear’ here are a couple of questions the host asked that may help you identify some fears and missed opportunities;
- What would you do, if you had no or little fear?
- What opportunities are you not pursuing because of?
- What would you do if you could overcome just 50% of your fears or worries?
- Truth is, fear is common and normal; it’s what you do about it.
“Your largest fear carries your greatest growth”